Sunday, July 2, 2017

Dirty Mommy Truth! I Want to Throw a Tantrum Too



In an effort to shine the light on reality as a parent. I want to share som embarrassing stories I have experienced as a parent. My first one you can read here Dirty Mommy Truth! My Children Aren't Treated Equally

As parents are the goal is to teach our children to grow up and become healthy, happy, productive humans in society. I sometimes forget that is the goal and that, that is my role. Sometimes I get caught up in being right or perceived embarrassment. 

The hardest thing for me, with my oldest daughter, is that she is at an age where she needs to learn how to deal and identify her emotions. She needs to learn how to deal with them effectively and productively, instead of destructively. 

A lot of times I have no idea what to do with my "big" emotions. How am I supposed to teach someone else how to deal with them?! Let's take it a step further because children don't really listen to what you say, but they watch your actions. I can't be held to that standard!

 I get mad and I yell. I know I am not supposed to, but as I said earlier I am not great at knowing what to do with my emotions. This is particularly true for anger. I feel like a child in some ways, I get so emotional I throw a tantrum. Where there is little room for sanity or reason. 

Perhaps this is why I have so much empathy for my daughter. I know what it's like to burst at the seams with emotion until you explode. Regretting your behavior later in a time of calm. 

I no longer have so many issues with this volatility as I once did. However knowing how to do something is only one level of knowledge. Expertise is what is needed to teach. I am totally not there. 

I find myself writing notes while watching Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. I read parenting articles fervently. I try as much as I can to grow knowledge in an area I am so inept in. Or at least feel inept in.

In my quest to parent a sane child I find myself reciting lines from articles and TV shows. Knowing in the back of my head, that it's not a natural instinct. When it comes down to it, I am probably going to fail at completely modifying my behavior.  

I count to ten and I feel like I am swallowing shards of glass. Like my stomach is churning and producing a sludge from a toxic waste of anger. Feeling as if I do not let it out, it will eat and swallow me whole. 

So inevitably I surrender to it, I seethe, yell and turn red. It's a part of myself I can't or won't acknowledge in peaceful times. A fringe emotional pressure valve. Installed in me at a young age. 

So what do I do? I try to change I learn, I try to find the root of my anger and why it's so extreme at times. 

My daughter is inadvertently teaching me how to be a better person. They both are the catalyst to leaps and bounds of personal growth. 

I maybe can't count to ten, but I can send myself to time out. I can take a break, and take a breath. I can scrub my floor. I can admit that I too get frustrated, angry, scared, and irrational at times. I can model how to swallow your pride and apologize when appropriate. 

Hopefully, in showing these steps, I am taking, my daughters can model the same behavior. I know that I am not a perfect parent and I never will be. Hopefully, I can at least be a cushion, to fall when they do need something. I can then, get them whatever they need if I can't give it. 


Questions, comments, concerns? Put them in the section below!



5 comments:

  1. I love this ❤️ It's so true, too. Children can really test your patience, but you grow from it 😂

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    Replies
    1. Yes! I think that is the most beautiful and under represented thing about being a mother.

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  2. So true. We learn from our experiences with them everyday.

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  3. Thank you for being so honest. It's refreshing seeing the real sides of motherhood. My boys push my buttons daily and it's a constant thing I have to work on with myself.

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  4. Ahhh so much we can learn about dealing with emotions from Daniel Tiger's neighborhood! I pretty much have all the songs memorized and i find myself "saying" them too often throughout the day!

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