Saturday, June 24, 2017

Dirty Mommy Truth! My Children Aren't Treated Equally


I am going to tell you a dirty Mommy Truth. Children are not treated equally. As children, we are always told and reminded that we are treated equally with our peers. We are especially taught we are equal to our siblings. Or at least I was very aware of this as the youngest sibling.

As a mother of a single child, I still believed that to be true. Even when I was pregnant I believed it to be true. Well if I am the first to tell you, I am sorry, but it is simply impossible to treat siblings the same.



A baby is completely dependent on you for food, warmth, love, comfort. They don't operate anything on their own. An older child can feed themselves, entertain themselves, express themselves with words, walk all by themselves, and understand the meaning of wait or I will soon. None of these concepts a newborn cares about or understands.

I have felt immense mommy guilt about this. Will my oldest feel like she is not loved as much? Am I going to teach her that she has less worth than other people? Will she feel resentment towards her sister?




These are all things that I don't quite have answers to, except for the resentment towards her sister. She loves her sister too much sometimes.

The other things I have to just try to combat with my actions having "dates" with just her or my husband. Allowing her the explanation of why whatever she wants to do will have to wait. Not because her needs are less but because she is a big girl who can wait. Something a baby cannot do.




So, in the end, equality at this time cannot be achieved. Of course, whenever it becomes achievable I will try my best to enact that. For now, I have to just recognize where are roles are as a family. That taking care of this tiny human, takes up most of our time, and we all have to accept that.

Although, maybe equality is not so much of a necessity. If I don't celebrate my children as individual beings I am teaching them that they are not unique beautiful people. I am not getting them ready for the reality that people are not treated equally.

No matter how much we might want to idealize this everyone is treated equally, that isn't a reality. Isn't teaching my child the world, my job? I certainly don't want them to be educated by it with its harshness and depravity. I would rather them know now with the care of their mama's bosom to fall into.



I don't know, a mamas dilemma is that no matter how you choose to parent your child will probably end up on a therapist's couch. Hopefully, I will not send my children there for inequality just on my awareness and acknowledgment if it on its own.

What do you think about equality in siblings? What about equality in general? Do you think either of them is achievable? Please comment in the section below!


4 comments:

  1. I totally agree with you! Don't worry, it will all even out later in life. The baby gets more of the attention but the oldest child gets to do all the new milestone things first. They get their ears pierced first, are big enough to sit in the front seat of the car first, learn to drive first, date first, etc. Relax, it's all good. Tell your children you LOVE them both equally because that is truth.

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  2. As a teacher, we started each year with a lesson about how parents and teachers always treat children fairly, but not always the same. I explained that I would do my best to make sure each child got what he or she needed.

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    Replies
    1. I couldn't imagine trying to deal with that many kids!

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